Why is change so flipping uncomfortable & painful?!

Hello darling,

How is your day going? How are you feeling when you pause for a second? Spring is here, at least in Malmö, and I love it. Sunny, warm weather, flowers, and being able to sit outside with 45 layers of clothing.

I will use this page on my platform as an unfiltered place for my thoughts and journey. So, how am I doing? Honestly, right now I am leveling up, and it’s so uncomfortable. The journey of letting go and shifting into a new identity is not fun. Let’s all be honest. When you dive deep into a new version of you, old wounds and unhealed traumas will resurface. If there is one thing that will shake you up a bit, it is this.

I have, for the past 4–6 weeks, felt a shift. The more I dive into it, the more uncomfortable it gets. The way I am moving mountains mentally right now is intense. I have realized so much in the past few weeks. One major takeaway is that if I want to reach my goals, I need to completely let go of my past, of the old version of me. This is going to hurt, it’s going to be uncomfortable, and it is going to shake things up.

Right now, I am extremely uncomfortable in my life. It feels like I am wearing shoes that are 4 sizes too small. You know that feeling, or a jacket that you cannot move in. You feel limited, shut down, and like you are forced into a space and cannot breathe. It’s like that feeling when you were a kid, and you were growing, and your knees or hips would hurt. I call that mental growing pain (mental växtvärk).

So, for me right now, I have it in multiple areas of my life. I feel like I am expanding into my true self, and I have never been more scared and excited at the same time, while also being frustrated and tired.

Because let’s face it. Everyone is talking about expansion, growth, and personal development. But no one is talking about the pain you have to go through when you let go of something that kept you “safe” all your life. You can feel so scared that you don’t know if you are going to survive the day, even though we also know that this is the unhealed 3-year-old in you reacting to the change.

I have done a lot of work. I am a coach, a leader, and so on. I still react like this sometimes. Why? Because I’m human and not a robot or perfect. And no, I don’t mean that I lie down and scream on the floor because someone cut off the crust on my sandwich. I mean, feeling scared and anxious. The only difference is that I now take the 3-year-old me and we walk hand in hand towards what’s scaring us instead of running away from it. I no longer let other people or anxiety control me. And again, don’t get me wrong, I have bad days when I don’t have the strength to resist the energy of others. But it’s nowhere close to what it used to be.

And for that, I am so proud of myself.

Yes, you have to show yourself a huge amount of self-love when you go through a change. Sometimes, that is journaling. Sometimes, it’s reading a book or going to the gym. Today, for me, it has been writing this post and going to the gym. I will later read a book and then study a bit in front of the computer.

Maybe today, it’s okay not to follow the schedule you created and instead listen to your body. The world will not end because you didn’t manage to do those 3 things you set out to do. Maybe today, a coffee and a good book outside in the sun is way better for you.